Today is the day the UK decides whether or not to leave the European Union. It's a big moment for us. Life-changing if we leave, life-remaining-broadly-the-saming if we stay. It's also the culmination of a political campaign that has been one of the nastiest in recent British history, defined by a staggering number of half-truths, distortions, inaccuracies, and fibs told by politicians, media, and the general population. So, it's appropriate then that on UK Twitter, rather than getting bogged down in bitter recriminations and last-minute in-fighting, everyone is having fun lying about their blind, 93-year-old mum.
It started this morning with a tweet:
Just took 93yr Mum to vote, she's registered blind. In a very loud voice she said, "Which box for out?" A cheer went up from waiting voters— Keith Adams (@keitheadams) June 23, 2016
This is pretty normal for polling day Twitter, and pretty normal for Twitter. You wake up in the morning, you've got a thirst for #numbers that's cranking on your soul like a drug addiction. You think a little. Have a cuppa. Then — simple! You'll make up an anecdote involving some wide-eyed truth-telling figure (Your infant son! Your dear old mum!) who will, apropos of nothing, say something that just happens to affirm your entire political ideology and / or belief system. Boom. Tweet it. Numbers.
But with Keith and his 93-year-old mum, people just weren't having it.
@keitheadams she would of been removed for breaking the law and blind voting is in braile, leave campaingers lying again— Jordan Farley (@fazza95) June 23, 2016
@keitheadams you made that up. Blind people vote with braille.— Makélélé Roll (@CoffeeandCave) June 23, 2016
@keitheadams that's a lie isn't it Keith?— Josh Hayden (@Joshalar) June 23, 2016
Keith was steadfast that what had happened in that small village hall was the lonely, only truth.
@fazza95 genuinely did happen, small village hall this morning— Keith Adams (@keitheadams) June 23, 2016
But the internet had stopped caring. Had stopped listening. The internet knows a good, memeable joke format when it sees one and it went mad for it, like a 93-year-old mum attacking a ballot with a stubby pencil.
Just took 93yr Mum to vote, shes registered blind. In a loud voice she said "It's Britney Bitch". A cheer went up from the gay voters— colouroffensive. (@colouroffensive) June 23, 2016
Took my blind 93 year old mother to vote. She said "existence is a bleak meaningless hell. I crave death". Everybody in the queue cheered.— Nihilists4Brexit (@NihilistBrexit) June 23, 2016
Just took 93yr Mum to vote, she's registered blind. In a very loud voice she said, "Re-e-wind"— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 23, 2016
The waiting crowd cheered "Bo Selecta"
Just took 93yr Mum to vote, she's registered blind. In a loud voice she said, "jet fuel cant melt steel beams." A cheer went up from voters.— Ryan Barrell (@RyanBarrell) June 23, 2016
Just took 93yr Mum to vote, she's registered blind. In a loud voice she said, "͠Sòo̵n. ͞F̨r̶o̵m t̀he ̛ḑeep͟ he r̀is͏e͞s̕."— Tom Phillips (@flashboy) June 23, 2016
Took 93 yr old mum, registered blind..to vote, In a loud voice she said "RIKON SHOULD HAVE ZIGZAGGED" cheer went up from waiting voters— Becks (@b3ky) June 23, 2016
Just took 93yr Mum to vote, she's registered blind. In a loud voice she said "fucking hell son this is going to be a meme isn't it" and died— Jan (@janhopis) June 23, 2016