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Porsche’s press event for the Panamera was... odd

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Porsche unveiled the new Panamera today. That's cool, but like many product unveilings across many industries, the introduction was preceded by an on-stage hypefest that was only loosely connected with reality. (See: Samsung's ZollQualcomm at CES 2013, the list goes on.) So let's just go through a quick list of things that happened during the Porsche event:

1. A guy threw a courage rag

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2. Cosmopolitan bros stared directly through my soul

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3. I was momentarily rendered unconscious by a disorienting ribbon dance

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4. This dude

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5. Two bros who I don't believe have ever used apps before came out and swiped in thin air like they're in Minority Report and then high-fived each other

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6. Backflip guy

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The Porsche 911 Targa 4S is a speed demon’s dream