Siri is the Game of Thrones "fan" who's really watching Keeping up with the Kardashians and keeping an eye on #GoT Twitter so they don't miss out on the water cooler conversation the next day.
[This is your official spoiler warning.]
Yesterday afternoon, the official Game of Thrones Twitter account tweeted a screenshot of Siri giving a sassy response to a question about the long-held fan theory that Jon Snow is not Ned Stark's son, but rather the love child of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. The theory was all-but confirmed in the season six finale, by a scene in which Ned watches his sister bleed to death, as he gets handed a dark-eyed baby and a real important secret.
Siri's joke, "there's some fire in this Snow," is obviously a reference to the Targaryen "fire and blood" catchphrase and the fact that they all call themselves dragons. As far as Siri jokes go, I rate this "not so bad."
Other responses to the question included "Like Ned, I promised I wouldn't tell," and "To know the history you'll need to do the math: R + L= J." One fan even tweeted a screenshot of Siri making a deep-cut reference to Rhaegar's singing talents: "I'm sworn to secrecy, but I can tell you that he's quite a singer." (I couldn't duplicate this one, so either it's fake or Siri doesn't flex its Game of Thrones knowledge for just anyone.)
Impressed, I asked Siri a follow-up question:
Despite mentioning "L" in a previous answer, Siri was clueless as to who Jon's mom was! Siri, did you miss the whole childbirth scene? What were you doing? I know it's hard to stay focused when Bran appears on screen, but come on. I guess the reveal of Lyanna Stark being Jon's real mom isn't that important to you, since it doesn't come with any extra magical powers or claims to the Iron Throne?
siri is not an ally
Whatever, Siri. As the rest of us know, Game of Thrones is a nuanced family drama about personal development. If you want to focus on "fire and blood" and throne dibs-ing that's on you.
Siri had jokes about some of the other major events in Sunday's finale, too.
This last response was interesting to me because 1) Siri admitted what I suspected all along, she's "not sure" if she watched the Game of Thrones finale, and 2) does Siri want a Nymeria Sand spin-off or a Nymeria the direwolf spin-off? The first would be an odd choice because Nymeria Sand is one-third of the world's worst girl band and Olenna Tyrell can't even be bothered to know her name, and the second would be even stranger because Nymeria the direwolf has been missing in action since season one (also she's an animal). Neither of these are good elevator pitches.
So, I asked Siri to clarify:
Well, Siri doesn't seem to actually have any idea who either Nymeria is, but on the bright side: we found Arya's direwolf! She's been at a childcare center in Hackensack, New Jersey this whole time! She has a history with biting pre-teens so this sounds less than ideal, but hurrah!
I guess I shouldn't be so hard on Siri. Not everyone has the fortitude to watch thousands of people be slaughtered — and at least one be turned into a meat pie. Siri really tried its best to participate in the cultural conversation anyway, and it did way better than Google: