The Pulitzer Prize-winning musical Hamilton, which was an unlikely marriage of early American history and hip-hop, is slated to enter a much more logical union with porn. For a story about a man who has a fraught affair, a crush on his sister-in-law, and documented amorous feelings for his best friend / war bunk buddy, it's surprising how PG the musical managed to be in the first place.

The porn adaptation of Hamilton, coming in August from WoodRocket films, is called Hamiltoe. It's a brilliant title, and it makes me wonder if the directors of the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago, who recently named a camel "Alexander Camelton," conspired with the good people of WoodRocket for some free promotion.

I assume the film will be a hit, as American audiences really do love speculating about the Founding Fathers' sexuality. (Remember that scene in the sixth season of Gilmore Girls in which all of Emily Gilmore's extremely old, very Anglican friends talk about whether they would rather bone George Washington or John Adams? What an odd conversation that was!)

The film's producer, Lee Roy Meyers, vowed in a press release that Hamiltoe would be "revolutionary." He backed up this claim, pointing out: "It will be the first hip-hop porn musical spoofing a Broadway show, celebrating a historical figure. And it will have anal sex." Neither of these things sound revolutionary, but we will see.

Unfortunately, to answer my own question, Hamiltoe will not be given a chance to win a Pulitzer Prize because it's going to be a movie, not a live theatrical production.