Jack in the Box, a fast-food chain that does not have any locations in the mid-Atlantic region of the United States, wants New Yorkers to be able to experience its new "Brewhouse Burger," which is being unveiled today. To that end, they have created a VR experience revolving around "the inspiration for the burger." I experienced it, but it wasn't a VR experience so much as it was a bad dream. As such, I decided to analyze it with the appropriate tools: free internet dream dictionaries. Everything that follows happened in the Jack in the Box VR demo, while wearing a pair of "Brew Goggles."

The other day, I had a dream. I was sitting on a stool that was 11 feet tall. I was in a gastropub with beautiful lighting. It was all wooden. All around me were noises that very nearly resembled the noises of human activity — chatter without words, chewing without food, drunkenness without the buzz, and music without the music.

As I looked down, I felt at once like I was going to fall from my perch and that I would never be able to move my arms or legs again. According to the health section on the Today Show website, the former means that I feel something in my life is going rapidly in the wrong direction, and according to most folklore of the Western world, the latter means that there is a demon sitting on my chest.

To my left a woman said, "So, do you come here often?" and I turned away. To my right a man yelled, "Can I get a beer?" and then punched the oak surface in front of him. I looked up, to a skylight, because it was the only place left to me. According to DreamMean.com, the yelling means that someone desperately needs to reach me. I hope it's someone who knows how to discretely leave a gastro-pub you woke up in by accident.

A man with a bun set a beer in front of me. I took it. There is nothing to do in this world but take what is set in front of you. That's the first thing you learn! For a second I was at peace, but then I realized my arms were still paralyzed and I couldn't get the beer to my mouth. I was parched. According to Auntyflo.com, the thirst means that I'm restless. The irony here: I'm restless and I'm paralyzed.

A clown walked toward me slowly. I knew he was a mascot, but I couldn't place him. His head was round and white, like a cue ball. His nose was a blackened ice cream cone and his hat was also an ice cream cone. His eyes were like White Walkers'. His T-shirt was purple, but I suspected that he usually wears a suit. He knew me too well — I hate suits. He shushed me as he set down a cheeseburger. It was for me. The yelling man was jealous. He wore a nice shirt and I think he probably works on Wall Street, even though I do not think this pub is in New York City. I don't think the pub is anywhere. It was so clean.

WeKnowYourDreams.com says that all the light indicates that I fear nothing. This website is not accurate. I fear a lot of things. I fear walking through Manhattan in the dog days of July. I fear parking tickets and pilsners and sponsored tweets. I fear special sauces. I fear sitting 11 feet in the air. I fear never having a clean, well-lighted place outside of this cheeseburger dream.

I wake up and someone gives me a real cheeseburger. It's very disorienting, like coming out of a movie theater and immediately having a meet-cute with an architect.

Jack in the Box's "Brewhouse Burger" VR experience is available to the public today. It does not come with a real cheeseburger.