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Pokémon Go fans: have you checked on your Neko Atsume cats lately?

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Whoops! What with all this frenzy to "catch 'em all" and make 'em fight and beat Team Mystic and — if you have time —not get hit by the B-44 bus, it seems like you may have been so distracted by Pokémon Go that you completely forgot about your Neko Atsume cats. This is why your parents never let you get an actual kitten! It's the Tamigotchi / Neopets / Webkinz debacle all over again.

Please stop abandoning your old fake pets in deference to new fake pets. It is very heartless, and only a slight variation from the plot of Toy Story, which certainly moved you to emotion at some point in time, or have you forgotten that too, you godless monster?

I know your sweet Neko cats never fought anyone for you, but isn't there still a place in your heart for them? Don't you think they probably still deserve food, at a minimum, and love, as a bonus?

On the way home from work I generally walk by at least a dozen stray cats because Brooklyn is a cat sex paradise and it's that time of year. I admire them — the orphans, not the sex junkies. Sometimes I even see if any of them will allow themselves to be petted, because I'm from a part of the state where everyone's house pets were originally found in barns or the woods and that has made me very stupid about safety. But in the end, I still walk all the way back to my home and go inside and feed my cat Ghost his dinner, because it's not his fault that the world has so much cuteness in it. He is cute enough. He deserves to eat.

Of course, this whole conversation will be moot once cats evolve to be the Earth's superior species. Based on some recent events, I would say they are already closer than we may have previously realized.


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