"Sandstorm" by Darude might not be the most critically acclaimed piece of music out there, but it is honest, pure, and strong. It's a trance track that, to quote my colleague Sam Byford, is to dance music what Andrew W.K.'s "Party Hard" is to metal: "It elevates the tropes of a genre to the point of simplicity and absurdity, so much so that it becomes subversive." It's also the only song I want played at my funeral — and Angry Birds is trying to ruin it.

In an attempt to reanimate its long-running franchise, Angry Birds publisher Rovio is releasing a new update for the game named The Mighty League, which pitches players against one another to compete for high scores. And to make this a little more enticing, Rovio has commissioned Finnish DJ Darude to remix his 1999 gift to humanity: "Sandstorm." Rovio's press release describes the resulting track as "a wing-pumping twist on the trance classic," which is a funny way of saying "we had the impudence to spit in the face of God."

And when you've endured as much as you can of the sacrilege above, please: cleanse your body and soul with the calming waters of the original below. While you do, why not ponder the deep spiritual mysteries of "Sandstorm," like: why is the music video about a turf war between courier firms? Did Darude call himself Darude because he thought it sounded like "Da Rude Dude"? And how happy would I personally be if my voice was replaced by the synth riff from this song? Amen.

Oh, and the toy trumpet version is still funny, too.