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How I would have improved Comic-Con's Rave of Thrones party

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Michael Bezjian / Getty Images

When you’re invited to see Hodor DJ a set at the single biggest nerd convention in the country, you don’t think twice. You put on your finest raiment, say a prayer to the Old Gods and the New, and prepare for a night to remember. That’s what I expected from Rave of Thrones — Kristian Nairn's, of Game of Thrones fame, two-year party tour. Promotions promise the deepest house music the Seven Kingdoms have ever heard.

I went in expecting a raucous Westerosi bashment

Anyone with a love of A Song of Ice and Fire and clubbing should theoretically have their dreams come true on the dance floor. In truth, the proceedings were far more commonplace than I anticipated. Event agency NVE and Nylon teamed up to bring the party to San Diego’s Omnia nightclub, inviting a handful of Hollywood and music industry talent attending the convention — and Nairn just happened to be the draw. Oh, don’t get me wrong! There was some dank house, lots of dancing, and even a few surprises, like Community’s Dan Harmon (I think?) dancing to Rihanna. It was a good party. But coming out of it, I’d describe the event as just this good party I went to, instead of the raucous Westerosi bashment I wanted in my heart of hearts. This is Comic-Con, after all. Leaning all the way into fandom is the point.

Now, I’ll grant that I have no real knowledge of how to plan events. And what the hell do I know about throwing parties? But after attending the Rave of Thrones, I’ve been lost in a fantasy of my dream GoT party, and I need to share them with the world.

Because as both The Secret and Daenerys Targaryen have taught us, dreams don’t become realities if you don’t introduce them to the world.

Mandatory medieval evening wear

I’m going to go ahead and guess that chainmail and corsets don’t make for the best rave attire. But that doesn’t mean people shouldn’t be encouraged to go all out in the name of celebrating Thrones. Most people were wearing some variation on the standard club uniform: slacks, sneakers, and button down shirts for the men; heels, cocktail dresses, and clutches for the women. Where was the inventiveness? Apart from the serving staff sporting skimpy cosplay costumes of Poison Ivy and Captain America, there was a shocking lack of Comic-Con spirit.

I’m talking fur, colorful gowns, dragon necklaces, and bows and arrows slung strategically over people’s shoulders. People would have been into it. I mean, I would have been into it. And this is my dream!

Bread and salt to go with the ale

Oh, the alcohol was a-flowing last night. There were cocktails and liquor popsicles. (I don’t know why there were liquor popsicles, but I never claimed to have all the answers.)

Popsicle

But there was no food to welcome the 600 guests to the venue. I’m not saying we needed mutton or bowls of brown, but some bruschetta would have been nice.

And if this is my fantasy, then yes, I demand mead! And turkey legs the size of adult cats! And a hog on a spit with a belly so large that if I got sleepy I could sleep in it, as if it were a tauntaun.

Music performed by sellswords with crossbows

Let me be clear: the music was great. Kristian Nairn’s performance was brilliant, blending club beats with the Game of Thrones theme song. There were smoke machines firing into the crowd, huge bonfires burning on the LCD panels in the background, and bass vibrating through the floor and ceiling.

Later, DMX — who might be the closest thing the real world has to a Stark, given his love for large dogs — did a set, performing some of his classics. I mean, telling you about this party, I’m realizing it was solid. Nine out of 10. Would party again.

The only thing that could have improved on this situation would be, in the name of latching to Game of Thrones, a backing band composed of a troop of mercenaries. When I first entered the club, a friend of mine wondered aloud if we’d hear the Rains of Castamere. Now, I definitely don’t want to be caught up in a Red Wedding, but that song is amazing, and I didn’t hear it once. Instead I just heard DMX. What do I really want? I want Castamere, damnit!

More André 3000

That man is a genius. He’s one of the few artists in hip-hop today who could be called a Greenseer or Child of the Forest. He was at the party, and right away there needed to be more of him. And also because this is my dream party, he is my best friend, and we’re collabing on something big. And we have all these great inside jokes. Like, I would share them, but they’re only between us. You know how it is, having the world’s best dream friendship.

Andre 3000