Rihanna's ANTI world tour touched down in Lille, France over the weekend, and she took some time out of her jam-packed set to make sure fans were focusing on her. "I don't want to see you texting your boyfriends and your girlfriends," said the star. "I don't want to see you catching any pokémons up in this bitch!" All of the Pidgeys and Zubats lurking in the stadium's rafters cowered in fear; thousands of smartphones slipped back into pockets, their owners chastened.
I'm left with two questions after watching the video below. First, how much productive training could you actually get done while attending a Rihanna concert? I understand the appeal of Pokémon Go at a music festival, where you can walk around a large open area and potentially visit multiple pokéstops. There might even be decent pokémon diversity within a huge park, especially if it's near some water or unusual terrain. But if you're watching Rihanna in a giant stadium, you can't walk around to find new creatures or hatch eggs, and you need a pokéstop (with lure attached) in your immediate vicinity to catch anything decent. You're not just risking Rihanna's wrath — you're wasting your time.
Not the Pokemon Rihanna!!! pic.twitter.com/GA8qUpAwj5— Shady Music Facts (@TheShadyFacts) July 24, 2016
My second question: what would Rihanna do to you if she caught you catching pokémon mid-song? She might just make fun of you; if she's really pissed off, maybe she'd have you booted from the show. I want to believe she'd choose a punishment that's appropriate given the crime. Do you remember the Pokémon episodes that involve Jigglypuff's sad little concerts? When its song puts everyone to sleep, Jigglypuff hops off the stage and draws on everyone's faces as an expression of futile rage. Why can't the world's pop stars incorporate this kind of treatment into their live shows? If any of you are reading, listen up: next time you catch someone flicking a poké ball at some crappy Rattata, grab the nearest Sharpie and start doodling. I guarantee you'll have everyone else's undivided attention for the rest of your set.