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Admit it: you wish Colonel Sanders were a super-powered chicken

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Colonel Sanders, the legendary proprietor of Kentucky Fried Chicken, is a fascinating historical figure. He sold his first restaurant at the tender age of 65, and by the time he was 73 he'd sold the franchise for a cool $2 million. He's since turned into a meme for internet dwellers looking for Southern-fried inspiration. Too bad he wasn't an anthropomorphic chicken while doing it.

The Colonel we didn't know we needed

DC Comics, in partnership with KFC, recently released a comic called The Crisis of Infinite Colonels (Don't ask me why. I don't have the answers.) wherein the Col. Sanders we know must defeat the evil Col. Sunder from Earth-3. To pull it off, he teams up with a whole host of Colonels from across the DC multiverse, like Bizarro Colonel, Steampunk Colonel, and the one and only Col. Arla Sanders from Earth-11.

Arla Sanders

Yeah, all of this is super weird. But none of these Colonels can hold a candle (drumstick?) to the Rooster Colonel of Earth-51. An armor-wearing Rooster Colonel ready to kick fools in the face!

Chicken Colonel

Now, I know what you're thinking. Does this mean that Colonel is literally selling his fried brethren? Probably! Imagine the hard choices you have to make when you're a man-sized chicken walking around in a post-apocalyptic future? He did what he had to do, and he made a buck doing it!

Colonel Sanders is already enjoying a particularly bizarre moment in pop culture. (I have no idea why, but it's fun to watch.) He shows up at Comic-Con. He gets his own comic series. A revolving door of schlubby comedians pop up to impersonate him. Other fast food mascots just don't have that cachet. Does Wendy have that kind of clout? No. Does Ronald McDonald have the range? No. Not even the Burger King is this flagrantly weird, despite his foray into cringe comedy a while back. For some reason, Col. Sanders is capitalizing on our appetite for fast, greasy food to entertain us, and it's certainly getting attention.

But I ask you. Would you rather your Colonel be played by creepy-ass Jim Gaffigan or by a humanoid chicken?

I rest my case.