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Oh cool, they found the squid that collects your soul after you die

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After years of mistakes and errors, science has finally come good. While investigating the Californian coast with a remote-controlled submersible, a team of researchers from the E/V Nautilus found this incredible squid. The googly-eyed fella was chanced upon during a live stream, which means we get to hear the scientists involved react professionally and calmly to their discovery. (I'm kidding: they laugh a ton because it's very funny).

Some select comments:

  • "What is it?"
  • "It's got weird eyes."
  • "It looks like they're painted on."
  • "It looks fake."
  • "It's like some little kid dropped their toy."
  • "He. Is. Awesome."

Basically, it's all about the eyes. And although they may look weird and fake, just imagine this squid appearing before you during your last moments on Earth; staring deep into your eyes and slowly washing away your human notions of reality. Wouldn't that be... sort of nice? Like, calming? Anyway, it's definitely going to be the basis of my new religion: Pentecostal squid wrangling. (Like snake handling, but less bitey.)

According to the E/V Nautilus' YouTube channel, this is in fact a Stubby Squid, a species that looks like a cross between an octopus and a squid, but is most closely related to a cuttlefish. "This species spends life on the seafloor, activating a sticky mucus jacket and burrowing into the sediment to camouflage, leaving their eyes poking out to spot prey like shrimp and small fish," say the description. So I guess those eyes are the last things some animals see before they die.


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