In the bizarre race to be the most futuristic and digital and above all teen-friendly pizza company, Domino’s has long been respected as the front-runner. Did you ever think you would see, in this lifetime, the ability to send a tweet and receive a pizza? Did you ever think you would see, in this lifetime, a pizza chain collaborate with a virtual pop star? Did you ever think you would see, in this lifetime, a pizza company volunteer to track your movements at all hours of the day and night so as to better deliver their pizza into your constantly roaming mouth?
Well, now you have, thanks to the brilliant millennial marketing team at Domino’s pizza. But what about the brilliant millennial marketing team at the slightly doughier, self-proclaimed "third-largest," international pizza chain Papa John’s? They’ve been working on an Apple TV app.
Papa John’s chose Apple TV as its exclusive television platform partner "because of its commitment to innovation and customer experience," and because it brings "people together to enjoy their favorite TV and quality pizza choice." In my experience, what Apple TV usually brings people together to do is turn their living rooms upside down looking for a remote control the size and weight of a toenail clipping.
The press release emphasizes that this is not the first time that Papa John’s has been the fastest, best, and most futuristic: "the brand was the first national pizza chain with digital ordering at all of its U.S. delivery restaurants in 2001. It was also the first national pizza brand to offer system wide mobile ordering with SMS text in 2007, the first to launch a nationwide digital rewards program in 2010, Papa Rewards, and the first to offer gift cards that can be used on mobile devices."
The Papa John’s Apple TV app has a lot of features. Well, five. The first is "conversational group order," otherwise known as the ability to talk out loud amongst the people in your home and decide what sort of pizza you would like. I love this feature — very analog, and that’s in. However, I have not been able to test the feature, and I do worry that my roommate could ceaselessly shout "More beef," and despite everyone else’s protests, we’d wind up with a 14-inch open-faced hamburger.
The second feature is a pizza builder which Papa John’s says "means you never have to compromise with finicky guests." I hate being accommodating, so this feature seems ideal for me. I think what it means more literally is that you can put green peppers on one half of your pizza and not the other, if you want. I am at least 180 percent positive you can order a pizza that way over the phone, on the internet, or in person at your local Papa John’s conversational group recreation zone and customs house.
papa john’s invented your mouth, for talking
The third feature is "easy check out" which is described as "just one ‘tap’ and you’re ready to eat." Domino’s has an app that auto-orders a pizza, so put this in the L column for the Papa.
Another feature gives you the ability to choose pizzas from your recent pizza orders or from one of the pizzas you saved under "favorites," but "depending on your mood." If that’s not your mood, you can select a totally different pizza — perhaps through group conversational order.
The final feature of the Papa John’s Apple TV app is 25 percent discount off the "entire order, and [you] earn Papa Rewards points for all future orders." I have to be honest with you, this now sounds like an excellent app.