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A summary of every Facebook friendship anniversary video

A summary of every Facebook friendship anniversary video

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Disembodied hands put a vinyl record on a turntable. It is not the turntable The Wirecutter recommends for casual listening. Nor is it The Verge's preferred turntable. The taste of the owner of these hands is suspect.

The hand-possessor sets the record to play.

"Five years ago today" Your Friend became Facebook friends with Total Stranger.

A white yeti and a brown yeti high-five, but it lasts too long and this embarrasses the yetis. We never see the yetis again.

A train station flip board appears, but it only communicates two phrases: "FROM THEN" and "TO NOW." In some implacable room, this sign hangs on the wall, endlessly cycling back and forth.

FROM THEN. Five years disappear, as if they never happened. TO NOW.

FROM THEN. Another five years melt away. TO NOW.

FROM THEN. Hello. I love you. Goodbye. TO NOW.

Not only can the sign dismantle time, it can also print photos. It prints a photo of Your Friend with Total Stranger and Another Total Stranger Who Looks Vaguely Like Someone With Whom You Used To Work, But Wait, No, It Isn’t Her, Huh, I Wonder What She’s Up To.

A book appears. It’s titled "You’ve Shared All of This Together" and is written by Your Friend and Total Stranger. How did they get a book agent?

This is a book without words. Where words should be there is a ribbon that when pulled reveals a series of photos of Your Friend, Total Stranger, and Other Total Strangers Who Don’t Look Familiar So They Are Less Interesting.

A number of different hands tug at the ribbon and tug on the book, finally revealing that "Somebody Named Derrick and 1 other" once liked a photo.

"You seem to like each other a lot," says the book, referring to Your Friend and Total Stranger. "32 times to be exact." 32 likes in 5 years doesn’t seem like that much, but who are we to judge. To be clear, though, that’s less than one Like a month.

A balloon floats by, and it is wearing sunglasses. This is silly because balloons can’t see.

Dozens more balloons wearing sunglasses float past, and suddenly the first balloon’s sunglasses make sense. They weren’t practical sunglasses. They’re a fashionable accessory worn to alleviate the pressure of a trend.

The glasses are, intentionally or not, a reminder of when Your Friend wore glasses without frames in college because they made him look smart.

"And while there are billions of friendships," says the balloons, "there’s only one like yours ;)" This would mean more if it weren’t coming from balloons.

A photo of Your Friend and Total Stranger is covered by a very small card from Facebook. Facebook lets us know this is very awesome.