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Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom teaser confirms we still want dinosaurs to murder us

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom teaser confirms we still want dinosaurs to murder us


That killing machine sure is cute, though

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Jurassic World promotional images (UNIVERSAL)

It’s difficult to fathom why anyone in the Jurassic Park universe would still think screwing with dinosaurs with a good idea. They get a pass for the first movie, where they arguably didn’t know that the magnificent dinos were going to eat everyone around them. But after The Lost World, where a T. rex wreaked havoc on San Diego, Jurassic Park 3, where I presume dinosaurs killed more people, and Jurassic World, which was filled with glorious scenes of park guests being terrorized and eaten, you’d think people might have learned their lesson. The new teaser for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, however, confirms that people’s love of dinosaurs is still somehow greater than their fear of being digested.

We know very little about Fallen Kingdom, which is slated for release next summer, aside from how clearly excited its creators are to have Jeff Goldblum reprise his role as Dr. Ian Malcolm. Based on today’s teaser, where Owen (Chris Pratt) gives a good chin scratch to a tinysaurus, we can conclude that despite the four previous films where playing with dinosaurs led to death and horror, the film’s characters still haven’t learned that it’s a bad idea to treat dinosaurs like a scaly house cat.

So why won’t people in the Jurassic Park films stop making dinosaur death parks, aside from the fact that it’s the premise of the series? One word: money. Once you have the power to create a long-extinct creature and earn a buck off it, common sense sounds pretty dull. Jurassic World took this to a hilarious new level, insisting that the park’s developers needed to create hybrid dinosaur monsters to boost flagging attendance at the park, a dubious premise at best. Investors are not impressed with the murdersaurus they have currently. They need a new one. Can it have a chainsaw for a mouth?

It’s hard to imagine a scenario where a tropical park full of living dinosaurs wouldn’t be spectacularly attractive to rich people everywhere. As this perfect Reddit comment points out, “Fucking Disneyland manages to stay profitable and they don't have a monopoly on ACTUAL LIVE MOTHER FUCKING DINOSAURS!”