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Breath of the Wild: a list of petty grievances

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A list of imperfect things in a perfect game

Listen up, friends: I love The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. If I were a betting man, I’d say its odds of being Chris Plante’s Game of the Year: 2017 Edition are quite high. We’re talking top percentile. However, I do have some gripes.

Now, I’ve noticed that parts of the internet aren’t especially keen on Zelda gripes. That is a shame. As we all know, no game is perfect, and there’s a certain relief in noting a game’s flaws, as they provide necessary contrast to a game’s strengths. So, at the risk of sabotaging my Twitter stream, I will enumerate my grievances, and I invite you to do the same. We will all be kind in the comments and on social media, because we all have unique tastes, and this is a truth worth celebrating.

Without further ado...

My problems with Breath of the Wild:

  • I can’t heal without opening a menu.
  • It takes too long to cook recipes that I’m just going to sell anyway.
  • I can’t romance Prince Sidon.
  • For the life of me, I can’t find the damn sunshrooms, but my Sheikah Slate won’t stop telling me they’re nearby.
  • I want to surf on my shield, but that will break my shield and I hate breaking things.
  • It rains too often.
  • The boss battles are sort of bland.
  • I can’t save recipes, so now my memory card is full of recipe screencaps.
  • Sometimes, I am gliding over a field, minding my own business, when an enemy pops into the environment and spoils my leisure time.
  • I can’t romance Trello, the clumsier version of Prince Sidon.
  • I have to skip the intro when watching a speedrun, because it’s so boring.
  • I bought amiibo for this.
  • Nintendo named it Breath of the Wild, right? So why doesn't the game end with Link defeating Ganon, turning to the camera, chewing an entire pack of spearmint gum, and saying, “Breath of the Wild? Not anymore.”
  • I can’t ride Yoshi.

I think that’s all of them. What about y’all?