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Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas Is You is becoming a movie and it should start like this

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Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is being turned into a movie. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Universal is adapting the modern Christmas standard into an animated film based on her 2015 children’s book also based on the song.

The film will star Breanna Yde (Nickelodeon’s School of Rock) as a young Mariah, naturally, trying to convince her parents to get her a puppy for Christmas. The Empress of Christmas and Shade herself even took to Twitter (with an actual puppy) to make the announcement:

All of this makes complete sense, of course. The song, which debuted back in 1994, has become a cultural institution, and, since it consistently tops the holiday charts every year, Carey seems set on building an empire around it. Still, fans may wonder why a movie about the song is even necessary, since we already have Love, Actually which is basically the song committed to celluloid.

Well, good news! We have written the first scene — complete with Carey’s iconic song! This will obviously help the studio a ton, and will surely make it into the final film.


INT. BAR - NIGHT

The bar is empty except for one woman and one pint of flat beer. The woman is Mariah Carey. The beer is Corona Light.

CLOSE-UP:

Mariah’s phone background: a photo of her with her beautiful Labrador puppy, Bonkers. They are wearing matching Oscar de la Renta gowns.

Mariah makes a sour face at her phone, then puts it back into her purse. With her other hand, she holds the beer against her forehead like an ice pack nursing a headache.

MARIAH: I don't want a lot for Christmas. There is just one thing I need. I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I just want you for my own — more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you, yeah.

Mariah tilts hear head back and empties the pint glass with one long gulp. In one quick motion, she reaches behind the bar and refills the glass. She exhales, then retrieves her phone and flips through photos of her and Bonkers.

MARIAH: I don't want a lot for Christmas. There is just one thing I need. And I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I don't need to hang my stocking there upon the fireplace. Santa Claus won't make me happy with a toy on Christmas Day. I just want you for my own. More than you could ever know. Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you.

Mariah tilts hear head and empties the pint glass, this time like she’s Popeye swallowing a can of spinach. She gazes into the empty glass.

In the photos on Mariah’s phone, we see she is busy performing and being interviewed. Bonkers seems increasingly distant. In the final photo, Mariah is resplendent, surrounded by fans. There is no Bonkers.

Truly, she is alone.

MARIAH: You, baby. Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas. I won't even wish for snow. And I'm just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe. I won't make a list and send it to the North Pole for Saint Nick. I won't even stay awake to hear those magic reindeer click. Cause I just want you here tonight, holding on to me so tight. What more can I do?

Mariah pulls out her iPhone and opens Messages. Mariah has sent many messages to her dog. But Bonkers hasn’t replied.

MARIAH: Baby, all I want for Christmas is you. You, baby. Oh, all the lights are shining so brightly everywhere, and the sound of children's laughter fills the air. And everyone is singing, I hear those sleigh bells ringing. Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need? Won't you please bring my baby to me? Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas. This is all I'm asking for. I just want to see my baby standing right outside my door. Oh, I just want you for my own. More than you could ever know. Make my wish come true. Baby, all I want for Christmas is you. You, baby/

CLOSE-UP: Mariah’s iPhone.

Mariah inputs one text after another, each with the same message:

“All I want for Christmas is you, baby”

“All I want for Christmas is you, baby”

“All I want for Christmas is you, baby”

“All I want for Christmas is you, baby”

EXT. BAR - MIDNIGHT

Mariah exits the bar and locks up. A flash of light, an explosion of noise. A car appears from out of nowhere. It’s a DeLorean. The car door opens, and out steps an old man.

DOC BROWN: Mariah, it’s me. Doc Brown! From the Back to the Future trilogy! I have a fantastic plan to make Bonkers love you again. We must travel back to the past and teach your younger self to respect pet ownership.

MARIAH: (Doing literally the best Huey Lewis impersonation anybody has ever done) I wanna go back in time!

Mariah Carey and Doc Brown get into the DeLorean, speed down the road, and disappear in a ball of light and a streak of fire.

SMASH CUT TO...

TITLE CARD: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU