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I'm pretty sure the Spider-Man: Homecoming trailer spoils the entire film

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It’s a cliché, I know, but the trailer spoils the movie

Image: Spider-Man: Homecoming

I know, you want to watch the Spider-Man: Homecoming trailer. Maybe, like me, you spent most of your childhood wearing the same filthy Spider-Man Halloween costume. Maybe the very idea of not watching a new Spider-Man trailer causes your stomach to refuse food and water. Maybe you’re perturbed that we let you know a Spider-Man trailer exists, and now I am saying, “reconsider.”

But here’s the deal: if you watch the trailer, you will be spoiled on the major beats of Spider-Man: Homecoming. So — and this is a good rule for many trailers that follow a film’s teaser — I recommend sitting this one out, especially if you’re spoiler-intolerant.

Of course, I’ll support my claim for those of you who’ve already seen the trailer or just relish knowing what happens in a film before you see it. Fair warning: Spoilers ahead.

We know Spider-Man: Homecoming isn’t a traditional origin story. Peter Parker begins the film with his fancy suit, the one created by Iron Man in Captain America: Civil War. And yet, the trailer suggests this movie is largely about Spidey’s origin. His friend from school serves as an exposition vacuum, sucking up every detail of Spider-Man’s character, powers, and costume.

A teaser might include this bit along with a few moments of context-free action scenes. But what’s surprising is how this trailer hits so many turns in the story — largely in chronological order.

Peter Parker wants to be a superhero, but he’s still just a kid in school.

Parker causes some public hijinks, going so far as to climb the Washington Monument. A perturbed Tony Stark informs him the big-name villains are handled by the big-name superheroes — leave it to the professionals, basically.

Undeterred, Parker continues to fight crime, only to attract the Vulture, putting hundreds of lives at stake. Vulture’s fancy laser gun splits the Staten Island ferry in half, and Tony Stark — as Iron Man — arrives just in time to save everybody.

Image: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Tony Stark punishes Parker by taking his suit. So, Parker makes his own suit.

Parker gets in a fight with Vulture on the beach of Coney Island that causes gobs of damage. Vulture carries the teenage superhero onto a humongous military plane (similar to a certain furious and fast film).

The plane nearly crashes into the Manhattan skyline, but Parker uses his powers to save the day — only for the method to send the plane into a tailspin.

Image: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Spidey nearly gets sucked into the jet engine, and...

The spoiler doesn’t spoil the rest. Presumably Spidey overcomes Vulture — who appears to be near a ready-to-explode jet engine the final moment we see him. And then Parker and Stark have a conversation about what they learned. Credits.

At least the trailer doesn’t spoil the final five minutes, I suppose. So that’s nice of Marvel?