Welcome to Twin Peaks Top 3, where I look at last night’s episode(s) of Showtime’s Twin Peaks revival and draw bad fan art of the top three most baffling moments that made an impression on me. If you’re looking for actual analysis and fan theories, you can head over to Question Club, because you won’t find any of that here. Twin Peaks has always been a polarizing show, making even fans like myself question their loyalty at times. At the end of each Top 3, I’ll ask myself a question: “Do I want to keep watching?” Let’s find out.

This Top 3 will cover episodes 3 and 4. It’s coming to you late because I was trapped in the Black Lodge for exactly one day, and that day was Memorial Day. Onward!

Baffling Moment #1: Michael Cera as Lucy and Andy’s train-conductor-hat-loving son, Wally Brando

Twin Peaks has its fair share of comedic, offbeat moments that go nowhere and are completely endearing, or that go nowhere and are eye roll-inducingly boring. I could have done without the bit implying that Lucy has spent the last 25 years living under a rock with no idea what cellphones are, because come on. But I enjoyed the random detour with perfectly cast Michael Cera. Not sure whether he’ll be back for more episodes, but I’m prayin’!

Baffling Moment #2: Agent Cooper is now a real-life Sim

In episode 3, we’re introduced to a third version of Cooper, known as Dougie Jones. He’s a family man who’s strayed down the wrong path after winning the US Masters Tournament. Don’t try to tell me he doesn’t golf, because there’s no other way to explain that hideous lime-green blazer. He also has a violent vomiting fit, and so does evil Tommy Wiseau Cooper. I’m worried for both of them. Boys, what did you eat? Take some Tums.

This pukefest somehow allows the real Agent Cooper to float into Nevada through an electric socket, and he’s now basically a real-life Sim: he completely lacks autonomy, has to be led around everywhere, and holds in his pee until he finally almost wets himself.

Baffling Moment #3: Twin Peaks is the new Nashville?

We now have three episodes which end with musical performances at the Bang Bang Bar, featuring Chromatics, The Cactus Blossoms, and Au Revoir Simone. I have to be honest and say I didn’t know anything about these bands before they turned up on the show, but I’m willing to bet money that most of these Twin Peaks townspeople haven’t either. The crowd could be extras paid for by the production of ABC’s The Bachelorette, and this could all just be an elaborate setup for one of those dates where the Bachelorette has a “special surprise” planned, and it’s a private concert featuring a band no one’s ever heard of.

Do I want to keep watching?

Yes! I need to know who the mystery woman who can help Cooper is. Please let it be Audrey!