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I have questions about this disturbing Jeff Bezos action figure

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Photo by Andrew Liptak / The Verge

Last year, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos tweeted a picture of himself at his Mars 2018 conference, walking alongside one of Boston Dynamic’s Spot robots. Now, a toy company has provided a super-detailed, posable action figure of the world’s richest man, which you can conceivably find, purchase, and keep in your home for reasons we have yet to discern.

A company called Ntwrk, a “mobile-first shopping” app, apparently sent the toy to a bunch of tech journalists, although I can’t seem to find any more information on this particular toy, which is perhaps a good thing considering it is disturbingly creepy.

In the meantime, I have questions. Twenty-seven of them, to be exact.

Photo by Andrew Liptak / The Verge
  • Why does a super-detailed, posable action figure of Amazon’s CEO exist?
  • What ill deed did we do to deserve this?
  • Why was this sent to me in the first place?
  • Who thought this was a good idea?
  • What was the pitch meeting for this product like?
  • Who was in the room that approved this concept and began development?
  • How do you go about acquiring the likeness of the world’s richest man to produce an action figure?
Photo by Andrew Liptak / The Verge
  • Was Jeff Bezos consulted at any point in the design and development process?
  • If so, what were his notes?
  • What was the expression on Bezos’ face when someone brought up the topic to him?
  • Who was the first person to tell Bezos about this?
  • Did Bezos get one of his own?
  • If so, does he still have it?
  • Why is it so jacked? (That one may actually have an answer.)
Photo by Andrew Liptak / The Verge
  • Why does it have bulging veins?
  • How accurate are the muscles, and what access was provided to Bezos to ensure their accuracy?
  • Who would buy this?
  • What level of Amazon / Bezos fan do you have to be to buy one of these?
  • If I bought one, where would I keep it in my house?
  • Is this something my child should play with?
Photo by Andrew Liptak / The Verge
  • Can I buy the Spot robot without the Bezos figure?
  • Bezos has tweeted pictures of himself playing with other robots. Will there be a follow-up release?
  • Will it come with other accessories, like a scale version of an Amazon Echo or a Blue Origin rocket?
  • When commercial space travel becomes more widespread, will someone bring toy Bezos into space?
  • If Toy Story were real, what would his relationship be like with the rest of the toys in Andy’s room?
  • Should I commission a miniature Star Trek: Next Generation costume to turn it into a low-rent Jean Luc Picard?
  • Why do its eyes seem to follow me when I walk across the room?