Last year, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos tweeted a picture of himself at his Mars 2018 conference, walking alongside one of Boston Dynamic’s Spot robots. Now, a toy company has provided a super-detailed, posable action figure of the world’s richest man, which you can conceivably find, purchase, and keep in your home for reasons we have yet to discern.
A company called Ntwrk, a “mobile-first shopping” app, apparently sent the toy to a bunch of tech journalists, although I can’t seem to find any more information on this particular toy, which is perhaps a good thing considering it is disturbingly creepy.
In the meantime, I have questions. Twenty-seven of them, to be exact.
- Why does a super-detailed, posable action figure of Amazon’s CEO exist?
- What ill deed did we do to deserve this?
- Why was this sent to me in the first place?
- Who thought this was a good idea?
- What was the pitch meeting for this product like?
- Who was in the room that approved this concept and began development?
- How do you go about acquiring the likeness of the world’s richest man to produce an action figure?
- Was Jeff Bezos consulted at any point in the design and development process?
- If so, what were his notes?
- What was the expression on Bezos’ face when someone brought up the topic to him?
- Who was the first person to tell Bezos about this?
- Did Bezos get one of his own?
- If so, does he still have it?
- Why is it so jacked? (That one may actually have an answer.)
- Why does it have bulging veins?
- How accurate are the muscles, and what access was provided to Bezos to ensure their accuracy?
- Who would buy this?
- What level of Amazon / Bezos fan do you have to be to buy one of these?
- If I bought one, where would I keep it in my house?
- Is this something my child should play with?
- Can I buy the Spot robot without the Bezos figure?
- Bezos has tweeted pictures of himself playing with other robots. Will there be a follow-up release?
- Will it come with other accessories, like a scale version of an Amazon Echo or a Blue Origin rocket?
- When commercial space travel becomes more widespread, will someone bring toy Bezos into space?
- If Toy Story were real, what would his relationship be like with the rest of the toys in Andy’s room?
- Should I commission a miniature Star Trek: Next Generation costume to turn it into a low-rent Jean Luc Picard?
- Why do its eyes seem to follow me when I walk across the room?