Just a few questions about this gamer bed

Japanese retailer Bauhutte sells a great deal of furniture aimed at “gamers,” but few can top its one-stop shop for sleep and gaming. Like Voltron, but made for people who refuse to use major muscle groups, the Bauhutte “ultimate gaming bed” combines an elevated headboard, desk, snack shelves, tablet holder, and a bed to ensure you will only have to get up to use the bathroom, hopefully.

The full setup, which turns eight different products into a cocoon, costs roughly ¥113,250, or about $1,048 (snacks sold separately). “I wake up and move from my bed to my desk,” its description reads. “Why is that so complicated? Gaming beds solve this problem.”

I guess that’s true. Far be it for me to judge. But I do have a few quick questions:

• What is the mask for?
• Why doesn’t this gamer bed come in a bigger size that might accommodate two people?
• Why doesn’t it come in less ... aggressive colors?
• What impact might this have on sleep hygiene?
• Does the gamer onesie come in my size?
• Is that a tube of lotion next to the bed?
• Why did you include this lotion?
• My coworker Chaim Gartenberg thinks this cream is Nivea’s “all purpose moisturizing cream” for all parts of your body. Is this true?

:(