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10 percent of you will be Goblinized today

10 percent of you will be Goblinized today


Setting into motion the Coffee Famine of 2022

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Shadowrun Trilogy
Harebrained Schemes

I woke up feeling a little strange this morning, but I didn’t think much of it. It’s just another day living in the pandemic. But after I got some strange looks at the cafe, I started to get a little worried. On my way home, I took a sip of my coffee and somehow pierced through the paper cup with bottom fangs that I didn’t have yesterday. I ran to the bathroom mirror when I got inside, only to discover that I’d turned into an ork. Awesome!

As decreed by the Shadowrun lore (via Twitter user @Gen_Ironicus), April 30th, 2021 is the day of Goblinization. The Shadowrun wiki over at Fandom says that, today, 10 percent of the world’s population will be transformed into orks and trolls for no apparent reason. Guess I just got lucky!

I thought maybe Goblinization would primarily target people who had played the Shadowrun tabletop RPG or the video games. I’ve only played the first-person shooter released in 2007 for the PC and Xbox 360, so I’m not the world’s biggest fan. But now that I’m an ork, perhaps I’ll give Shadowrun: Dragonfall a try now.

If you aren’t currently feeling or noticing the transformation taking effect, don’t worry. It could happen later in the day. The lore says that most humans will change before “the very eyes of horrified spectators, causing much panic and alarm.”

And as if the COVID-19 pandemic weren’t enough, apparently Goblinization is the start of major strife between humans and the “metahumanity” created during today’s events. Perhaps worse, it’s said to eventually lead to the Coffee Famine of 2022. I don’t know if I’ll survive that.