We’ve made suggestions to Jeff Bezos about what he could do with his hundreds of billions of dollars before, and we’re certainly not the only ones to do so — but it seems like we’ve all been thinking small. While the public has been calling on Bezos to end world hunger or buy vaccines for almost two-thirds of the planet’s population, Bezos has been able to live out every child’s wildest dream by putting a soft-serve ice cream tap in his house, according to ice cream machine maker CVT Soft Serve.
The “What The Actual. Fuck? !?” part of CVT’s caption seems to express surprise that the billionaire would do this, but I’m honestly unsure why. Who wouldn’t want their own ice cream machine if they had all the money? If I were as rich as Bezos, I’d have an entire Golden Corral (which, from what I remember, has soft serve machines along with those garbage, delicious big jelly beans) built next to my house. I might even be generous enough to let the general public eat there for free — ice cream is best when shared with others, after all.
Of course, the reaction online to Bezos’ ice cream has been hilarious. The Washingtonian pointed out that Amazon’s HQ2 design looks suspiciously like a cone of soft-serve (which is a much nicer mental picture than imagining it as a poop emoji), and Vice reported the story with a tweet saying that “Big boy Jeff no longer has to leave his house for ice cream.” And, of course, there have been untold numbers of Bo Burnham references.
All of this raises one serious question — what’s Jeff Bezos’s diet like? There are other billionaires who have famously bizarre diets, like Warren Buffet, who eats ice cream for breakfast, tons of McDonald's, and drinks Coke almost constantly. Will Bezos be joining him on the ice cream for breakfast train, or saving it as a special treat? These are the questions the world needs answers to.
Oh, and we did ask CVT Soft Serve if we could interview the person who delivered the ice cream to Bezos. Unfortunately, the company told us that it couldn’t share any details.