I am convinced that somewhere deep in the bowels of Nintendo HQ, there is a cabal of game developers in charge of strategically deploying Kirby when things get dire. I mean, how else can you explain the fact that we get not one but two cute as fuck Kirby games in the same calendar year?
Kirby is the shining light of the world, and he comes when we need him the most. He showed up in 2002 with Kirby: Nightmare in Dreamland. And in 2017-2018, Nintendo must have known we were going through it because it released four games in quick succession: Team Kirby Clash Deluxe, Kirby’s Blowout Bash, Kirby Battle Royale, and Kirby Star Allies. Yes, none of these games were particularly memorable, but I choose to believe that Nintendo looked at the political climate post the 2016 presidential election and said, “Shit’s gonna get bad, give ‘em a Kirby, any Kirby.”
I know that Kirby isn’t real
Kirby returns in 2022 to give us a double-tap of wholesomeness that will hopefully sustain us through this time of monsters as the old world dies and the new one struggles to be born. He comes to remind us, with his signature effortless joy, the lessons we just can’t seem to ever get right: take care of one another, get a good night’s rest, and life is painfully, cruelly short — eat the goddamn cake, preferably with up to three friends.
I know that Kirby isn’t real and that he exists to extract capital from me to make an executive rich beyond what is morally acceptable. I also know that stuff like this only helps in that ultimate goal. I know that. But look at that face. Look at that fat, pink, happily-stuffed-with-cake gob and tell me you don’t feel like you could run face-first into a bear.
In a time when things are Bad, I’ll take anything, no matter its capitalistic provenance, to get me through it. And Kirby has come, once again, right on time.
Kirby’s Dream Buffet arrives summer 2022.