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The CES 2017 recap, in verse

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With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan

verge trailer Vlad Savov

CES 2017 has come to a close, and looking back, it was a really interesting week. News aside, seeing the entire conference come together is really an impressive thing, with hundreds and hundreds of companies flocking to the middle of the desert to show off thousands of products in demos and keynotes. The whole thing feels perfectly choreographed and planned — almost like a Broadway show, in fact.

So, with that in mind, along with the fact that the phrase “Consumer Electronic Show” fits really nicely with the syllables of “a modern Major-General,” I proudly present a recap of the 2017 Consumer Electronics Show.


CES 2017, The Song

To the tune of I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General from Gilbert and Sullivan’s The Pirates of Penzance

We're here in Vegas for this year's Consumer Electronics Show
To see the latest gadgets, gizmos, TVs, toys, and car autos
From crazy thin OLED displays to Bluetooth sharing smart pillows
And drones and headphones with release dates purely theoretical

Amazon and its Alexa voice a’ssis’tant is everywhere
In cars, speakers and fridges and some other more diverse hardware
From table lamps to wearables to Huawei's new Mate 9 smartphone
To answer questions, order food, and control things in a smart home
(To answer questions, order food, and control things in a smart home, x3)

Of cars this year we've seen a lot, but most will likely never ship
Faraday Future came to town and drove a real car down the Strip
Chrysler’s mil'lennial van this week has been a major source of quips
At least no one will have to drive on endless future family trips
(At least no one will have to drive on endless future family trips)

Two thousand seventeen has TVs thinner than ever before
With LG's latest model scarcely thicker than the wallpaper
Meanwhile Sony finally is making an O-LED TV
While Samsung puts its money on its quantum-based Q-L-E-Ds

Windows laptops in new designs came back with a ferocity
Asus showed off a nine thou'sand dollar curved screen monstrosity
Razer unveiled a three screen model that was a just a prototype
And HP's laptop's thicker but adds 3 hours more batt'ry life
(And HP's laptop's thicker but adds 3 hours more batt'ry life, x3)

VPI Avenger Plus Photo by James Bareham / The Verge

Crazy weird gadgets like silver cellphone blocking smart underwear
Alongside strange misguided brushes with Wi-Fi for combing hair
Yes here in Vegas for this year's Consumer Electronic Show
There are a ton of gadgets, gizmos, TVs, toys, and car autos
(There are a ton of gadgets, gizmos, TVs, toys, and car autos)

We saw new VR demos and a gorgeous-looking turntable
Summoned Vergethulhu, a horrific monster shaped out of Play-Doh
Electric scooters, rideables, a Wi-Fi-equipped garbage can
Plus a mirror for wrinkles and some selfies with a 3D scan

There's been a lot of USB-C docks, adapters, and dongles
Self-driving cars and laptops that have lots of LEDs that glow
Yes, this year at CES there's an awful lot of gadget news
From lots and lots of keynotes, briefings, booth visits and interviews
(From lots and lots of keynotes, briefings, booth visits and interviews, x3)

We spent a week in Vegas but our time here has come to a close,
We’ve headed out, packed up all of our suitcases, laptops, and clothes.
We're done now for this year and so from our trailer we all must go,
But we'll be back here for next year's Consumer Electronics Show
But we'll be back here for next year's Consumer Electronics Show!

Fin.