Skip to main content

These smart shorts will make your soda bottle explode and other pelvic metaphors

These smart shorts will make your soda bottle explode and other pelvic metaphors

Share this story

This is a commercial for shorts. They are shorts for men. They are not exactly workout shorts, but they are not not workout shorts. VylyV, the company behind the shorts, really thinks highly of the shorts. The shorts can (with the massive caveat that they probably cannot ) raise the angle of your erection, improve your sex drive and sexual stamina, and, eventually, allow you to have multiple orgasms. The shorts are also an allegory for modern existence, and they are being crowdfunded.

They are definitely shorts

VylyV claims the shorts will "peak the sexual performance by pelvic floor training and guard the manhood wellness against the sedentary lifestyle." The shorts will also "entrench the hardness and glow with powerful ejaculations" and "unlock the mysterious quest for the most wanted experience of multiple orgasms." Because I don't know what these sentences mean, it's hard to say they're inaccurate. But if I saw a glowing penis I would not be asking about the shorts it emerged from.

The shorts, which are equipped with sensors and a wireless tracker, also come with a companion app. The app features at least one game that looks kind of like pinball, except you control the flippers with your penis. Perhaps these shorts are a joke, and I am being pranked. To which I'd say, Great prank, I'm having a fun time!

Here's the thing: you can strengthen your pelvic muscles just like any other muscle. But you don't need shorts to do it and honestly your penis and its sex-having mechanisms are both probably fine.

VylyV's website says the shorts will launch on Kickstarter this month, but there are no details on a shipping date or prices.