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Can we talk about these wood-burning hot tubs?

Can we talk about these wood-burning hot tubs?

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I think we can all universally agree that there’s something special about hot tubs. They’re magical places filled with lore of raging parties, drinking, and forced intimate social situations. I only get to experience hot tub magic when I’m at a fancy hotel (rarely) or if I acquire a friend or family member with a hot tub (I don’t have one). So imagine how happy I was when I heard there could be a hot tub option for me, someone with no room for a full-blown tub but a desire to be a woman with a hot tub.

This is the Dutchtub. It looks very New Age. I feel like I want to put rice in it? It’s also got a spring thing attached to it. That photo is totally off scale. Here’s the Dutchtub out in the wilderness:

Turns out the spring appendage is actually where you put wood to build a fire to heat your tub. Dutchtub’s existed since 2006, but it came up today because apparently there are four new colors. Ten years of existence, four new colors.

Alright so you’ve maybe heard of the Dutchtub, but just in case, let me sum it up for you real quick: it relies on a wood fire for heat, and if the water gets too hot, aka you might be boiled to death, you’re supposed to spin that spring and redirect the heat. Sounds easy enough. To me, the Dutchtub seemingly presents a host of fire issues, like, why would I put a raging fire near grass a la the above photo, or why would I let kids frolic around the open fire? Where am I getting the water to fill it while out in the wilderness? I supposed these are risks and obstacles you have to just accept for the Dutchtub. This hot tub is also way more expensive than a normal one. You have to pay to get your wood fire roaring! It’s around $5,700 whereas a low-level hot tub is around $4,000.

Alright now that we’ve got that established. Let’s talk about this hot tub, the "Outdoor Soaking Hot Tub in Light Blue Finish."

Look similar, right? This is Walmart’s version of the Dutchtub, which presumably presents the same issues as the above tub, but is a whole lot cheaper! It’s only $4,326. Alright, what do y’all think? Are we sold on these natural tubs? Can we ever be as happy as these people? (We don't have a tiny blue car so probably not.)