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Circuit Breaker

Dyson’s new canister vacuum can't tip over, but that doesn't mean you're safe

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It'll prob eventually suck your face off during the robot uprising?


Dyson sells vacuums. You know this. Dyson is now selling a canister vacuum that never topples over. Ever. It rights itself every time. Please see the gif above, and the gif here.


This technology is exciting for a couple reasons. Probably the biggest reason is because everyone who enjoys cleaning and hates when their canister topples over will no longer have to worry about that happening. It’s 2016, y’all, why are we having to worry about canisters tipping over? C’mon.

The second and far more terrifying reason is because this technology seems great for a a robot uprising. Picture it: your robot vacuum becomes sentient one day and decides to chase you around your house in an effort to suck your face off. Your only idea for escape is to knock over its canister. So you kick it over, thinking you’ve gotten away, but the vacuum rebounds faster and better and continues to try and suck your face off, and because you’re an inferior human, you eventually have it sucked off.

Alright that definitely won’t happen with this specific vacuum because it doesn't have a chip inside, but THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE. Is the Dyson Cinetic Big Ball the vacuum of your nightmares or your dreams?