Society would classify me, Ashley Carman, as an adult. I can legally drink, am able to buy a ticket to see an R-rated movie, and really, can do whatever I want because, like I said, I’m an adult with an income. Being an adult means I’m not scared by most things. Ghosts, vampires, and aliens are all cool with me. It feels good to be mature!
But today, I discovered the Canada Science and Technology Museum’s furless Tickle Me Elmo. It both horrified and stunned me, and will probably haunt my dreams for at least a week.
Terrifying, right? The touch-sensitive metal looks like a cheese grater. That’s upsetting. The museum didn’t stop with this furless demon. No, its team also took a Cookie Monster toy apart and put it next to naked Elmo.
My pal and co-worker Chaim Gartenberg pointed out that while yes, this is all nightmare fuel, Elmo has been a victim of experiments “for science” in the past. Remember Elmo versus the jet engine?
Anyway, next time you pick up and tickle a Tickle Me Elmo, think of this furless guy and its plastic, wired body. Think of Elmo’s pain, and then try to sleep.