Read erotic poetry constructed exclusively from iPhone 6 reviews

Fifty Shades of Space Gray

Consider the size of your hands.

I have really big hands.

It's not something I usually think about;

You don't ever really think about your hands.

Those are my hands

You might idly remark to yourself from time to time.

I wonder if I can use them for anything good.

It's all just potential right now

But it's extremely obvious potential.

Big things have enormous beginnings:

If my children and my children's children

And their children

And all the children after that

Keep contorting their hands like this for generations

Will our hands evolve to have gigantic thumbs?

Life tends to fade quickly

And I dread the day.

You get the idea.

I have really big hands.

Let's start with the facts;

Giving the people what they want:

I have really big hands:

It compensates for the awkwardly protruding.

I have really big hands:

It helps obscure the unsightly.

I have really big hands:

Not terribly exciting, or groundbreaking.

It's just excellent.

Add those three things together and

I have really big hands

Would be an understatement.

This is quite helpful.

When the tips of your fingers are grasping on for dear life,

Your fingers need to secure a firm grip.

I can still wrap my fingers around

Well...

More of everything.

To really nail the execution

I've been playing a game.

The only real flaw is

Tests are tests:

Real-world performance is where it's at.

Meet the new beast,

Beating back its would-be usurpers.

It fits more naturally in your grip.

The rounded edges

These catch and bend light in a way that's sure to appeal to

Really big hands,

Regardless of how large your mitts are.

Feels good to hold and feels beautifully solid —

My favorite-feeling.

It takes some getting used to.

It's still big

Bigger. Bigger. Bigger.

Perhaps most importantly -- it offers far more endurance

I instantly wanted to slip it into a case just to be safe.

Two quick taps,

Zippy as always.

Whoops.

Would be an understatement

Two years ago, I sought out a 7-Eleven near my house

Too far away for your shrimpy little thumb to reach.

Posed next to last year's model

The beast [had] been up to its usual tightening and polishing.

Thinner than [its] rivals,

It [had] made some tweaks to make the size less awkward.

I don't always subscribe to the "thinner is better" mantra,

But it takes time.

I'll always have a soft spot for

Experimenting.

I recently visited the same 7-Eleven.

You know what the guy told me?

The market has changed.

Bigger and better, but with stiffer competition.

Apparently big is what the public wants,

So big is what we get.

You know what the guy told me?

Big

Marks you as belonging to a religion.

Maybe a cult.

They're not wrong.

Fortunately, it made the leap

Before it was too late.

Then I rode around rough roads.

I'm sitting on my sofa.

I pull out my phone to check sports scores,

Everything is better and nothing is different.

There's nothing truly ambitious here,

No grand vision of the future

Or of a new way of living in the present.

Frankly,

I'm having a hard time

And that's pretty frustrating.

But at least I know this:

I have really big hands.

A pretty remarkable thing

Hopefully things will improve.

The size of your hands, and your tolerance

For straining to reach the corners

But I'm confident that will happen.

Big things have enormous beginnings

I have really big hands.

We're going to need bigger hands.

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Comments

What is this.

By Nilay Patel on 09.17.14 11:33am

This is my next.

By Chris V. on 09.17.14 11:37am

That’s what she said…

The article.

By Chaz_UK on 09.17.14 11:46am

This is ihand.

By Lumiafied on 09.17.14 11:56am

Genius at play. Well done.

By knowmadd on 09.17.14 12:00pm

I have really big hands, Nilay…

By QJ on 09.17.14 12:01pm

We’re on the verge of something here…

By OneLegend on 09.17.14 12:14pm

This is Chris subtlety telling you and your 6+ to get a room.

By TechS on 09.17.14 12:40pm

I love how it seems like the Editor in Chief would first be viewing this when it’s live on the site lol.

By StephWorldWide on 09.17.14 12:59pm

How’s the idea of letting writers do whatever they want on tl: dr seeming now?

By TechLover99 on 09.17.14 7:53pm

hide them TLDR posts! give updates for people who actually are interested.

they’re now hidden in a mess of articles (about istuff mostly)

By ZoiesoLso on 09.18.14 3:19pm

I think it’s about hands (?)

By The Baws on 09.18.14 12:02pm

Alcohol.

By backporchprophet on 09.21.14 3:59am

You’ll always have a soft spot for experimenting, won’t you?

By adrianhaus on 09.17.14 11:35am

Google won’t like this Link "experiment"

By TerionLanister on 09.17.14 11:49am

I have the weirdest

By T.C. Sottek on 09.17.14 11:35am

This is great.

By g14nt on 09.17.14 11:36am

Chris.

By Samit Sarkar on 09.17.14 11:37am

I have small hands.

By adrianne on 09.17.14 11:37am

So did Jewel, and she made a good career out of it

By Cory Williams on 09.17.14 11:39am

Has anyone heard from Jewel since the phablet era?

By ohnorosco on 09.17.14 11:58am

No.

…clearly her small hands are to blame.

By Arielle Duhaime-Ross on 09.17.14 12:40pm

Nobody, not even the rain.

By adambanksdotcom on 09.17.14 3:20pm

Reminds me of that Burger King commercial.
Maybe you can get someone to hold your iPhone for you haha

By rafael913 on 09.20.14 8:18pm

Wow.

By NathanIngraham on 09.17.14 11:39am

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