When Sean Forbes logged onto Facebook last week, he was confronted with the photograph of a Navy friend, standing in front of a tangerine sunset with his wife and son, smiling into the camera. Forbes had made the post three years ago to the day, after learning that his friend had committed suicide. "R.I.P." Forbes had written on his friend’s page at the time. "I’ve known you and your family 12 years and I’m at a complete loss at your passing."
Forbes’ memorial resurfaced through Facebook’s new On This Day feature, which highlights past posts on a private page and sometimes inserts them into your News Feed. The feature began rolling out to limited groups last Tuesday. "I was just in shock that this would be the image they’d choose," Forbes says. "It’s just such an in-your-face reminder of what happened, and it dredges up old memories and feelings."
Almost immediately after posting his criticism on Facebook, writing that "Not every memory needs to be rehashed," Forbes heard from a friend with a similar experience: On This Day had brought back the last post her friend made before taking his own life. "You’ll get reminders regardless," Forbes says. "Whether a song comes on or something in any given day reminds you, but you don’t need a reminder like that from Facebook for sure."
This isn’t the first time Facebook has had an attempt to capitalize on nostalgia misfire. Last year it promoted its Year in Review feature by displaying an old photograph under a confetti-strewn banner, telling users, "Here’s what your year looked like!" But for users who had experienced loss in the last year, the ads could be devastating. It showed web developer Eric Meyer a picture of his daughter, who died that year. "My year looked like the now-absent face of my little girl," Meyer wrote in a post titled Inadvertent Algorithmic Cruelty. "It was still unkind to remind me so forcefully." For other users, the algorithm chose dead pets, a burning apartment, a father’s ashes, and other jarringly sad images.
This time around, Facebook says it has taken precautions to avoid confronting users with painful memories. For example, if you listed then de-listed someone in your relationship status, Facebook won’t fill your News Feed with old posts about them, though it may still show them to you if you click the On This Day page. Facebook says it filters for memorialized accounts in a similar way. For either of these filters to be effective, people would need to document loss in a public and machine-readable way, by changing relationship statuses and officially memorializing accounts, and even in that case, such rules can capture only a fraction of potentially painful posts.
Forbes, who does advertising and social media for the Navy, says that the feature should have filters for keywords like "RIP," but that the fundamental problem is that "robots can’t read the sentiment of a post." For that reason, he wishes On This Day was something you had to choose to participate in. Facebook says you can choose to have On This Day posts appear in your News Feed less frequently, but there's currently no way to opt out completely.
Facebook will likely keep trying to dredge up the past despite repeatedly getting burned for doing so. Nostalgia is a powerful emotion, particularly online, where it’s a countervailing force to the internet’s unrelenting nowness. Facebook and Twitter present you with a stream of things happening now, or in the very recent past; live-streaming apps like Meerkat and Periscope try to close what lag remains, bringing the internet into full real-time presence. Against that you have #TBT and various flavors of nostalgia bait. The headline "Want to feel old?" is such a cliche that at this point it’s used almost exclusively as a joke, but its offer has always been remarkably literal — if you’re clicking, then to some extent you really do want to feel old. You want that nostalgic kick.
With their vast repositories of life events, social networks seem like they’d be in a perfect position to capitalize on nostalgia. If people like to share lists of things that make them feel old, then what about a list made from your own history? Apps like Timehop do that by pulling from Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Now Facebook is trying to do the same with On This Day.
But when you take nostalgia out of the safely generic realm of pop culture and antiquated school supplies, it can hurt. There are obvious mistakes, like Forbes' post and many of the year-in-reviews, where algorithms unearth sad posts that lots of people liked in sympathy, but even upbeat posts can become colored by loss. When Jenna Wortham tested out Timehop shortly after it launched, it showed her photographs of a pet that had died and a friend she’d lost touch with. "Such reminders can be almost unbearably painful, or they can provide the extra nudge to send a ‘hello, again' e-mail," she wrote. Timehop doesn’t employ any filters, but on Valentine's Day it asked users to opt-in, warning of "exes and feels."
"I don’t think nostalgia is necessarily pain free," says Mary Beth Oliver, co-director of the Media Effects Research Laboratory at Penn State. "There’s a reason we call it bittersweet." Done right, nostalgia can be poignant and meaningful, but the line between that and painful is extremely subjective and not the sort of thing algorithms excel at discerning. You could only think that people would always want to be reminded of the things they post if you believed that people are actually as happy and uncomplicated as their curated public personas make them seem.
"Even when it’s something that’s happy, if I look at photos of a really happy vacation I had with my family 10 years ago, that’s bittersweet," Oliver says. "It’s great and wonderful, but it’s gone and I can’t relive it." You can already see this happening with On This Day, even when it's functioning correctly. "Wow! Thanks to facebook, four years ago on this day I had the most amazing trip to Denver," one person tweeted last Friday. "It makes me sad how people change."
Revisiting the past is a very personal decision, Oliver says, and people need control over it. "Can you imagine, I have a big cardboard box of old photographs and concert tickets and things throughout my life, can you imagine me letting a stranger go through that box and come into my house and show me what ones to look at? I want to look at it when I want to look at it, I don’t want some robot coming in and telling me how to feel love."
Personal history, memory, nostalgia: this is impossibly nuanced and complex terrain for an algorithm to be galumphing around in. Given the number of misfires with the Year and Review, and the experience Forbes and his friend have already had with On This Day, it seems inevitable that dredging up an old post each day for every Facebook user is going to cause some pain. Given the power of nostalgia, it seems inevitable that Facebook will keep trying to get it right.
UPDATE: Here's another example of On This Day pushing sad reminders. Theo Browne says he posted this to his friend's Facebook page after she was knocked into a coma from a car accident a year ago. "It was the absolute last thing I needed to see the day before midterms," he says.
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Comments
Simple solution…GET OFF FACEBOOK! sheesh…sorry…my sympathy level is null on this issue. You willingly choose to participate in the giant circle jerk known as Facebook……
By fluidj on 04.02.15 9:09am
participation is not required
By randomaccount12312 on 04.02.15 9:19am
Nah…. facebook has been pretty valuable to me and many others.
It is, just like all things internet (and life really), not what you use, but how you use it. Being some kind of extremist because some facebook algorhythm on some optional feature doesn’t know the difference between happy & sad is kind of silly.
Relax.
Enjoy life.
And yes… that can include facebook.
By aarontsuru on 04.02.15 9:20am
Exactly just be smart about what you post – its that simple.
By v5point0 on 04.02.15 3:06pm
"Simple" is pretty complex to many folks, though.
By ddpacino on 04.02.15 4:31pm
Err, how do you know NOW what the future will do, and how that will affect how you’ll feel revisiting your posts?
This is ANYTHING but simple.
I’m yet to be convinced about Facebook (no account for example). I’m pretty sure my life just isn’t a "spectator sport".
By Jezzer_UK on 04.02.15 8:55pm
I think it does come down to how you use it. I haven’t been on Facebook for over 4 years now; one of my main uses used to be arranging events… but then I’d find out my ‘friends’ were going out without me and doing things behind my back. I left Facebook as it was making me depressed, and now I’m far better.
Anyway, my girlfriend is still on there but she mostly just uses it for finding funny cat/dog videos to show me.
By kayzee on 04.07.15 5:58am
I sort of agree. There are people, like teens, who might feel compelled to be on facebook because their peers are. And one can’t predict that some photo is going to be a nightmare of a memory later. And it’s hard to delete all those photos you posted whose memory you’d like to no forget. A simpler solution is for Facebook to simply not do this unwanted bullshit. But yeah, I’d like to see more and more people just leave facebook altogether.
By cmorticum on 04.02.15 9:30am
If it’s a memory you’d like to not forget, don’t post it solely on facebook. They have no obligation to keep your data safe, it would be much better to get a NAS or burn it to a DVD, etc.
By CoreDumped on 04.02.15 9:59am
If you have friends in multiple places then Facebook is the best way of staying in touch. Me and my friends use it literally for the messenger feature and the way you can plan invents and invite people. Since everyone uses it, its just the easiest and simplest way of keeping in touch and organizing things, you don’t need to be on the bandwagon of hating Facebook for what seems to be no reason.
By Rohan Charlesworth on 04.02.15 9:37am
I respect your opinion so don’t take this as criticism, I feel the "best" way to stay connected is to be connected, like phone calls every so often or visits ( I understand there are some people you can’t visit but that’s where a phone call comes in handy ) I gave up FB only 3 weeks ago but I have to say my general life has gotten better. I’m no longer a FB hog and I actually get work done and can be productive. I don’t have to see all the "friends" I’m obligated to friend like family and coworkers. I much prefer twitter and instagram’s follow method over FB friending. because If I’m obligated to be friends with you then follow me idc but I have the freedom of not having to see their posts in my feed and can actually tailor my feed to what I really want to read/see. You also see who your real friends are because even without FB you WILL stay connected, whether through text/calls/ another social network/ or in person interactions. I challenge anyone in here to deactivate fb for a few weeks and see how they feel. I feel much better
By ericjmurtaugh on 04.02.15 9:48am
Phone calls? What are those? :)
If one of your suggestions to keep in touch with your friends is another social network, then you’ve really gained nothing.
I may have a bunch of Facebook "friends" but I unfollow a crap ton. I really only follow the people I consider actual friends.
Instead of simply deactivating Facebook, the best method is to simply unfollow people you don’t really care about. Totally getting rid of Facebook makes it much harder to keep in touch with people… I have to spend time calling somebody when they also have free time from their busy lives.. plus it doesn’t let me keep up with their family via pictures and stuff..
A curated friends list is the best option, IMO. But if going cold turkey works for you I totally respect that too.
By TK-093 on 04.02.15 10:17am
Well my opt in for another social network had to do with my criticism of facebooks two way friending over twitter/instagrams follow approach, to that other social networks give you more freedom.
Yea I’ve tried the whole unfollow thing but I really just wanted the person to have no connection to me like unable to see anything i post or even be my friend ha, but if they are people you see in real life you have to deal with so many groans and omg you deleted me and I’m like its a website and they take it so personally.
As an example I didn’t like having my grand mother on my fb because she would either 1. comment "I love you" on everything I post or 2. comment "i disapprove of this" on everything I posted that was NSFW etc. I used FB as a place for friends and it became a place flooded with family and coworkers. So I then started deleting my family from FB as they used it as a way to pretend they were keeping in touch but never called/messaged me or planned to spend time together. After I deleted them my grand mother had a panic attack and called me hysterically like I had removed her from my life or disowned her and I just couldn’t wrap my mind around how a website had even gotten a person to that level of crazy. That is just one of many examples.
I guess my big issue with FB is with the culmination of all the people on there it became a second life I had to curate and moderate and hold up an "image" to. with twitter or instagram people are just themselves and the beauty of getting "lost" in the sea of thousands of tweets/pics meant nothing you post or say has the same "gravity" as it does on FB. That just feels more liberating to me
By ericjmurtaugh on 04.02.15 10:31am
A hindsight suggestion is that you only "friend" your real friends and family and not co-workers or old classmates or just an acquaintance who asks. You tell them sorry, it is only for family and move on. If you have too many people as "friends", it is your own fault for falling into Facebook’s "like" trap.
By six one way half a dozen another on 04.03.15 2:44am
I only had around 180 but as I said not adding family or deleting them caused major issues for me… Having your grand mom call you up crying saying you disowned her is something i’d rather not deal with
By ericjmurtaugh on 04.03.15 10:59am
I have unfollowed everybody on my list. Most of it is junk and if it’s important, they’d tell me to check it out anyway. I don’t need to get sucked into the timeline.
By @JonathanJK on 04.03.15 10:01am
I’m sorry, but this is an extraordinarily myopic view of Facebook. To contrast your world, here’s mine..
In my immediate close family (i.e. just my children, mom, sister, & mother-in-law) we are in 4 different states/provinces in 2 different countries. My mom gets to keep up with her grand daughter in one state, her other grand-daughter in another state, and have little chats with my mother-in-law about dogs & arts & crafts, sharing photos, and links to different, posting awesome photos of my nephew at a baseball game over a thousand miles away.
I get to see those photos, as well as her small group of friends that she has on facebook.
My daughter sang in a talent show (among many other activities she does), I posted the video on facebook, her mother and all my friends and family, none of which are here in NYC, got to see her perform. And it wasn’t shared to random anonymous twitter people.
Plus, it all has the added benefit of allowing me to share this stuff with secondary family members when I want to, like cousins, uncles, aunts, whatever who I’ll most likely never call.
Picking up a phone every now and then (which we do) or flying to one of the 4 cities does not remotely let our family see, interact, and engage with our lives the way just being mutually connected on Facebook does.
AND, me, my partner, and my 2 daughters keep a private facebook message going where we share private moments, photos, funny things, plan visits, etc, etc. We also skype, see each other in person, call each other, and text.
Beyond that, Facebook has been extraordinarily useful when sharing and promoting me, my partner’s, and my daughters art. We had an amazing art opening for my partner’s work and used Facebook to spread the word! Sold about half her work! We have actual friends, many many that we have met and converted from e-friends to IRL-friends, all over the world. Some are getting up as I’m falling asleep at night, they get to check in and see what’s going on!
Seriously. Facebook, when used correctly for your needs, can be fucking awesome. Facebook (and all websites) are what you make of them and how you use them. Encouraging people to delete their facebook accounts because you couldn’t deal with it or maybe you used it wrong for you, is, well, ridiculous.
Instead, people should just dig in, learn all the different ways you can use Facebook (and any website/service/network) and determine what, if any thing, works for them and go from there.
By aarontsuru on 04.02.15 1:13pm
At this stage the only thing that annoys me more than Facebook is the people that put themselves on a pedestal for quitting Facebook.
By MtlEvan on 04.02.15 10:50am
I’m on a pedestal because I never even STARTED Facebook. We do exist.
By fluidj on 04.02.15 11:59am
Aren’t you just awesome??
Can I be your friend? (OBVIOUSLY not your Facebook friend. That word just be ridiculous)
By Tikigawd on 04.02.15 12:14pm
I don’t even understand how the latter is possible given the former
By dz on 04.02.15 1:22pm
Remember what Don Draper said of nostalgia?
"Technology is a glittering lure. But there is the rare occasion when the public can be engaged on a level beyond flash, if they have a sentimental bond with the product.
My first job, I was in house at a fur company with this old pro copywriter, Greek, named Teddy.
And Teddy told me the most important idea in advertising was ‘new.’ Creates an itch. You simply put your product in there as a kind of calamine lotion.
But he also talked about a deeper bond with the product: nostalgia. It’s delicate, but potent.
Teddy told me that in Greek nostalgia literally means ‘the pain from an old wound.’
It’s a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone."
By DrX00 on 04.02.15 2:39pm
They’re kinda like vegans…
By rmuch on 04.02.15 4:52pm
That’s some knowledge right there.
Listen, everybody, if you all act and do as fluidj you’ll be fine. Your reasons for using Facebook don’t matter. He has all the answers for EVERYONE. Just listen to him, and you’ll be good to go.
By Tikigawd on 04.02.15 12:17pm
Either you give them everything or give them nothing, but let them opt in at the very least. Timehop gives me everything, because I asked them to, so I’m not going to bitch when a picture or anecdote about my ex-wife or dead cat appears
By gregorsmith on 04.02.15 9:11am