I've always thought of the Ford Taurus as an unassuming family sedan, mathematically optimized not to offend anyone with its styling or performance.

I just threw those ridiculously uninformed opinions out of a 20-story window.

An Omaha man — an American hero and owner of a 2002 Taurus — spared no expense filming a Craigslist ad when the time came to part with his steel steed, relying heavily on drone footage and cinematic pans to turn a mild four-door into the baddest-ass vehicle on the road. For audio, the video uses narration from an ad for a 1987 Taurus, which has all the dramatic verbiage you'd expect from an ’80s-vintage car spot.

If you don't want this car after watching the video, check your pulse. Academy Awards, here we come.

Verge Video: A tour of the New York International Auto Show