To think, there was a time when Game of Thrones merchandising was something of a rarity. That was ages ago; HBO's venerable and violent drama has been a runaway success, and with it comes more than 80 Game of Thrones licensees. There's even a series of books!
The biggest addition to the Game of Thrones merchandise catalog this year is the official Game of Thrones Monopoly, which is coming next month. I have some concerns:
- There's free parking — probably because there are no cars.
- In lieu of murder and / or mutilation, a grump, blue uniform-clad cop will put you in jail.
- No nudity, a Game of Thrones staple.
- The dragon egg token lands on House Targaryen but never turns into a dragon.
- ... on a related note, the White Walker token roams free without anyone batting an eye and without first buying the Wall.
- ... also, a direwolf can own property. Maybe that's not a problem so much as a potential spoiler.
- Winterfell is the third most expensive property in the game (300) behind only Braavos (350) and King's Landing (400). Have you seen Winterfell lately?
- Every player has a stipend. Survive long enough, and you'll definitely get paid fairly.
- Game of Thrones Monopoly has a single, unified currency from the Iron Bank of Braavos.
- There is no mechanism for winning through violence.
Thus, we already know the winner of Game of Thrones Monopoly: capitalism. C.R.E.A.S.K. — Cash Rules Everything Around (the) Seven Kingdoms. There's no point to play anymore. Let me know if Game of Thrones Risk ever becomes a thing. (Update: Thank you all for letting me know that Game of Thrones Risk is now actually a thing.)
(My colleague Adi Robertson has already provided the best counterpoint: both Game of Thrones and Monopoly can drag on forever, and you feel disgusted with humanity by the time you're finished.)