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If you're a paranoid Facebook user, John Oliver is your only hope

Thank the Social Media Profile Copyright Act of 1934

Facebook Privacy Hoax Debunked

THE FACEBOOK PRIVACY PROTECTION MESSAGES ARE HOAXES! WATCH THIS VIDEO TO HEAR JOHN OLIVER EXPLAIN HOW TO ACTUALLY PROTECT YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION.

Posted by Last Week Tonight with John Oliver on Wednesday, September 30, 2015

If you're currently working through Facebook's near-yearly barrage of privacy hoax posts from acquaintances and confused family members, have no fear: late night TV's leading explainer is here to help. In a missive posted directly to his Facebook page, Last Week Tonight's John Oliver warned the service's nervous users that their official-sounding statuses and disclaimers are completely useless when it comes to protecting their information. You can use the kind of language you'd expect to hear from Blanche Devereaux and you can evoke the Rome Statue as many times as you want; it doesn't matter. You're not being afforded any additional security.

Because he's a benevolent and thorough hoax obliterator, Oliver took his public service one step further than a mere announcement: he gave the anxious, technophobic masses a concrete solution to their privacy problems. "The only true way to protect your content on Facebook is by posting this video," said Oliver. "Yes, the one that you are currently watching, starring me, John Oliver, as is clearly stated in the Social Media Profile Copyright Act of 1934." We're still working on tracking down a copy of the Act, but I'm inclined to believe Oliver in the meantime — no less an authority than Mark Zuckerberg has given the video his blue-thumbed stamp of approval.