As the above image shows, Sony’s The Emoji Movie is actually real, and not an April Fools' joke that has refused to die. The newly renamed — to the somehow even worse — Emojimovie: Express Yourself will tell the story of Gene, an emoji who breaks the codified existence of the Emoji-verse by being "born without a filter," and is capable of multiple facial expressions. Sounds familiar.
Along with the title change, Sony released a promotional image for the film that depicts Gene (T.J. Miller) alongside his friends, the beanie-wearing Jailbreak (voiced by Ilana Glazer) and literal face-palm Hi–5 (James Corden, appropriately) running, presumably, through the film’s setting of Textopolis. The trio appears to be accompanied by an by an as-yet unvoiced sentient poop emoji whose grinning face says, "I’m a poo and I just farted. I defy science."
Is this happening? Can you have an uncanny valley effect for animated smiley faces? Why is the poop emoji wearing a bow tie? How did this movie get greenlit? (Okay, fine, that one probably can be answered with the fact that the The Lego Movie made over $400 million in profit, and the only thing kids love more than Lego is "the texting.") What does Hi-5 emoji have a bandaged finger? What does Jailbreak get clothing but not Gene? Is Jailbreak even a real emoji? Why is Hi-5 a talking hand with legs, but no arms? When will the nightmare end?
The self-described "epic 'app-venture'" that is Emojimovie: Express Yourself hits theaters on August 11th, 2017. With the way things are going, it'll probably make a billion dollars and have an endless cycle of sequels.