My dearest Popplio,
I write you today with guilt in my heart and forgiveness on my mind. I haven’t been nice to you lately, and I want to apologize. I was wrong — about everything.
You came into my life in May, when a new trailer for Pokemon Sun and Moon introduced you and your two other pals. In a word, you were ugly. In two words, you were really ugly. Is that collar part of your body, or are you really that bad at accessorizing? Your big dumb nose is so honkable. Your front flippers are too big, and your back flippers are too small. Your ears don’t even make sense. Are you a dog or a seal?
I couldn’t decide if I'd pick Rowlet or Litten, but I did know one thing. They were cuter than you.
Time passed, and I watched you grow up a little. Your next evolution, Brionne, was somehow more awkward, as if your infant years were merely a warning for your teenage time. I took a swing at you on Twitter but, Popplio, can I confess something? I saw a little of myself reflected in your big, soggy eyes. I think I always have.
But you survived the last pangs of youth, as we all must, and you grew into your gawky limbs. This latest trailer proves it: you’re not Popplio anymore. You’re Primarina. You are a majestic and striking water / fairy-type pokémon, confident in your style, with powerful abilities.
You can heal burns — an appropriate skill for a beast that endured so many Twitter burns. Maybe this is why I believe you’ve probably moved on from my cruel comments. You’re too busy hanging out with your other friends, Decidueye and Incineroar, and the island guardians. You have better, more famous trainers to meet with. You're living true to yourself.
Apologies aren’t given only to be accepted, but you have mine all the same.