Phew, Friday, huh? Thank-god-it’s-Friday, am I right? Well yeah, actually, I am all right, and that’s because I’m not a human, with human worries and fears and ill-fitting shoes, but a beautiful meat pie, floating into space.*
This week, someone attached me to a weather balloon in a car park in the North of England to celebrate the World Pie Eating Championship. And then: whoosh, off I went. Into space. Watch the sunlight glisten and shine off my golden pastry crust, and just feel your anxieties and your cares melt away.
Listen, now: what can you hear? Cars beeping? Strangers shouting at you on the street? Bloody phones? No. You can just hear the sound of a pie in space, otherwise known as utter silence. With a whisper-quiet meat-and-gravy filling.
Take in the view, if you like. Look around, nothing can touch you up here. It’s okay. It’s nearly the weekend. And I am a pie who went to space.
*The first person to point out that the stratosphere — between 18km and 50km above the surface of the Earth — is not actually space gets fired up there without a parachute as a reward for being so darn clever.