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I love this inexplicable album of ‘life changing affirmations for Millennials’

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I have many friends, I will get out of debt

What do you most need to hear today? Is it the vaguely male voice of a robot, informing you that you are good at basic tasks?

If so, I have some good news. Today, while browsing Spotify for songs about Facebook for reasons that are personal to me, I accidentally stumbled across a new spoken-word album called Self Actualization and Life Changing Affirmations for Millennials. It’s by an artist — actually, a robot voice with an anonymous artist behind it — called Your Future Self, and according to the introduction track, “These recordings have been scientifically designed to help you realize your full potential.” If this is true: wow?

The album was added to Spotify on September 4th, and has 302 monthly listeners. That is not enough listeners, not nearly.

Self Actualization and Life Changing Affirmations for Millennials is 24 gorgeous, blissful minutes of being told things you probably need to hear. For example, “I do not need to read Facebook to feel connected to the world,” or “I do not think in tweets.” For some even better examples: “My personal brand is more than just my Instagram feed,” “I speak at the right volume,” “I am good at walking,” and “I am very strong.”

Maybe you’re rolling your eyes at the titles of some of these tracks. You might be thinking “I’m not addicted to Instagram!” or “I don’t have a startup, and it won’t be very successful.” Okay, it doesn’t matter. You can take or leave individual affirmations based on which ones you actually need.

If you asked me to personally rank the affirmations in order of least necessary to most necessary, I would say “My content cuts through the noise” is pretty expendable, but my life has been changed forever by “All dreams come true if we have the courage to pursue them. Unless it is a nightmare. Then don’t.”