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Please don’t get in Ansel Elgort’s car during a blizzard

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He’s not Baby, and that’s not safe!

ansel elgort

I’ve been thinking about how to explain Ansel Elgort in the first sentence of this post for about 40 minutes, and I think this is the best I’m going to do: he’s the type of dude whose first 10 pages of Getty Image search results are of him jumping out of his chair at a basketball game, jumping out of his chair at a hockey game, or posing for professional photographers with his tongue in longtime girlfriend Violetta Komyshan’s mouth.

He’s also the kind of guy who follows me on Twitter even though I’ve literally never written anything about him that wasn’t very rude. He has an invincible spirit, I will say.

Of course, he is also the young star of the 2017 summer blockbuster Baby Driver, and as such, he posts a lot of car content on his social media accounts, usually making a joke along the lines of “I was in a movie where the main thing was cars haha, now I’m in a car but it’s just me, Ansel, haha, this is my life.”

For example, today, as a winter storm barrels along the East Coast, threatening most forms of travel and public transportation, he has offered to give you a ride in his car.

He tweeted this video this morning, after posting it on Instagram yesterday. You’ll notice that he referred to himself in the caption as “baby,” even though he’s not actually Baby from Baby Driver, and you should also be aware that if you get in a car with a young man who is pulling these kinds of tricks without extensive stunt training or a mystical backstory involving Sky Ferreira, you will likely die!

I’m worried, and I think it’s possible that Ansel has confused his “invincible spirit” with an “invincible body.” Do not get in his car.

Do not do this either:

In general, don’t do any of the winter sports that Ansel is doing. Just boil some maple syrup; get all dressed up in snow pants and boots and mittens and scarves; go outside; dump the maple syrup on the ground; pick it up and eat it because it’s candy now. Then go inside and stay there for the next three months.

Happy snow day! Ansel has... an incredible smile.