Something we don’t talk about enough is American football.
Just kidding! Something we don’t talk about enough is that period of time between September 2016 and December 2017 when Dutch police were training eagles to hunt drones. They had to stop doing it because the eagles didn’t really always feel like hunting drones, and they definitely didn’t feel like following orders from cops. It never really seemed like a great idea, and falconer Robert Muster told the NL Times at the outset: ”If an eagle can not catch his prey, he may become so frustrated that he picks up something else. Eagle talons are so strong that it can easily pierce a child’s head.”
So, on Sunday, you could root for the team led by a man who wrote a book subtitled “How to Achieve a Lifetime of Sustained Peak Performance” and has never had a single sip of coffee, or you could root for the team with a punk rock mascot.
I mean, “The Patriots?” That’s literally the opposite of punk rock. But do whatever you want.
If you choose to opt out of the big national tradition this weekend, that’s okay, too. There are plenty of ways to spend four hours, and not all of them involve tacit endorsement of an organization that protects unprosecuted sex criminals or cons taxpayers into paying for multibillion-dollar sports stadiums. You can have a party just because, and eat some things with barbecue sauce on them just because you want to, and have a few beers with your pals just because you like them. You can make little cookies shaped like footballs and then decorate them with pink frosting so they’re mouths instead. Then kiss. Then eat the mouth cookies. You can go to the movies. You can go to the “dorm essentials” section of Target and get an affordable new storage unit.
No matter what you do, I hope you have a peaceful and relaxing Sunday night in the United States, a country that is currently training falcons to hunt drones.