In case you missed it, Pokémon fusions are back in the news, thanks in part to a recent Tumblr meme and helped along by a small but growing community of talented fan artists dedicated to bringing these sometimes adorable but often horrific hybrids to life.
But between admiring the cute, shellfish-meets-baby dragon qualities of “Shellmander” and just combining literally every other pokémon with Mr. Mime, nobody is doing the truly important work of telling you which ones are the most powerful. At the end of the day, in the rough-and-tumble world of Pokémon, what matters most is knowing which of these algorithmically combined animals can best the other in vicious, supernatural elemental battle.
So we’ve done the work to narrow down the tens of thousands of possible fusion combinations from the original 151 pokémon roster to find the top 10 best, most powerful creatures this charmingly rudimentary web software can conjure.
Charder makes up for being a limb-less reptilian clam face by employing its ultimate defense: a coral-encrusted skin hardened over eons of floating in the darkest depths of the sea. It cannot fight, but it also cannot be defeated, a state of supreme equilibrium known colloquially as “charding.”
Signature Move: Chards harder
It may not be the fastest pokémon, but Slowmar does have a tail of burning fire and an unfaltering desire to show off its flowing red sleeves. And when it does happen to catch you, when you least suspect it and are likely under a tree taking a peaceful nap on a Sunday afternoon, it will light you on fire with its outfit.
Signature Move: Slow-cook in an Instant Pot
As famed Nintendo game designer Shigeru Miyamoto once said, “math is power,” and nowhere is that more apparent than in this combination of a talking cat and a four-armed fitness instructor who refuses to stop texting you about coming to the gym.
Signature move: Law of quadratic reciprocity
Pikawack is known to hide in the shadows, seeing by the light of its own generated electricity and waiting to strike unsuspecting victims by rubbing its tiny feet on the carpet and tapping them on the forearm.
Type: Hair static
Signature Move: Thunder boop
The only sight more haunting than the world’s most unchill insect is one with the face of an alien toddler that cannot stop smiling, even as it spins up its drill arm and prepares to tear through your epidermis. Clefdrill apparently lives on the moon, but for some reason follows only you around and thoroughly embarrasses you in public by making you freak out while you’re eating lunch by yourself.
Type: Cherub moon baby
Signature Move: Spin me right round
The stuff nightmares are made of, Fearmime is like if Alfred Hitchcock wrote a psychological horror film about over-eager street performers. Will mime your greatest fears and encase you in a glass prison until you verbalize them for onlooking strangers and leave a generous tip in its enormous beak mouth.
Type: Somehow scarier than a clown
Signature move: Busk attack
Maqueen has a considerable Twitter following and will sic the mob on ungrateful subjects who voice unsavory opinions about the quality of writing on the final season of Game of Thrones. Quote tweet at your own risk.
Signature move: Going off
Butterdude keeps afloat and capable of punching you square in the mouth through inexplicable antigravity technology. Will fight you over which YouTuber diss track is the most savage, although you keep telling him you really couldn’t care less.
Type: Bud Light Platinum
Signature move: Riding a Boosted Board in the bike lane
2. Mr. Wrath
Mr. Wrath’s strawberry, rounded appearance and disaffected expression hides a deep, unrelenting fury that can only be kept in check through repeated use of his gloved fists in unregulated street combat.
Type: Average male
Signature Move: Toxic masculinity
A true icon, Weepinduo is the only pokémon fusion to be forever immortalized in the annals of internet history. One half carries a heavy sadness borne from years of struggle in his older brother’s shadow. The other is the last of his kind, a species on the brink of extinction. Together, they will live on in Tumblr reposts until the end of time.
Type: Dissociative identity disorder
Signature Move: Being strong for mother