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How are you going to make it out of this alive if you don’t know what today’s number is?

How are you going to make it out of this alive if you don’t know what today’s number is?


Don’t worry: David Lynch has the answers

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He keeps the numbers in a jar.
He keeps the numbers in a jar.
Image: David Lynch / YouTube

Yesterday was a three and I felt that. The day before was an eight and unmistakably so. It just had that eight feeling, you know? Where you’re looking out the window, and everything pauses, just for a second, and you’ve got a mug of coffee in one hand and a glazed donut in the other, and you stand there and you think to yourself ... eight. Right?

Knowing the numbers is half the battle these days, and if you’re anything like me you’ve found it hard to keep up. There are just a ton around right now. Uncountable! I see them all the time: on the news, on my phone, in rainclouds, and stamped on the faces of strangers in the street. Fifty! 63! Seven hundred and seventy seven thousand, seven hundred and seventy seven! Two and a half! ... -365. [Ed’s note: Keep it clean, buddy!]

That’s why I’m thankful (damn thankful) for David Lynch’s YouTube channel, where you can find out today’s number without hassle or fanfare and the bare minimum of psychic terror. It’s a fantastic help in these trying times. Something of a #lifehack. I’m subbed and have turned on notifications, and you should too!

Lynch’s YouTube output has been brilliant during These Times. Cultural consensus tells us so. He’s previously been doing the weather while sprinkling in the odd dream report and story about bugs he’s seen recently to keep things interesting. But I for one am glad he’s stopped with the frivolities and is giving us the the important stuff: the numbers.

So what are we hoping for today, friends? What does your gut tell you? I close my eyes and I see a five, bobbing into view like a drowned body in a canal. But I’ve been wrong before. Very wrong. Once I know today’s number I’m sure everything will turn out for the best.

Update Wednesday, August 19th, 4PM ET: Today’s number is (spoiler alert) nine. Do with that information what you will, for it has greatly unsettled my soul.